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Donna Grethen graphic on LGBTQ community
Donna Grethen graphic on LGBTQ community
Photo: Donna Grethen
Donna Grethen graphic on LGBTQ community
Donna Grethen graphic on LGBTQ community
Photo: Donna Grethen“Hi! My name is Sophia and my pronouns are she/her/hers.”
Simple, yet effective.
My first introduction to pronouns was in middle school. It was an anomaly, for sure, but nonetheless a pivotal moment in my life that I would not recognize until much later. At the time, I didn’t think much of it, but I wish I had.
From the second we met, I assumed Jane* was a girl. Jane had short dark hair and feminine features, not unlike all the other girls in our school. Jane liked Starbucks Frappuccinos, cute hair clips, and fashion jewelry. How could Jane not be a girl?
About a year into our friendship, Jane told me they preferred they/them pronouns. Since I didn’t really understand what pronouns meant, it didn’t seem like a significant change, and I shrugged it off. Sometimes, I would forget and say “she” or “her,” but I shrugged that off, too. I wish I didn’t.
It wasn’t until I got to college that I started hearing the word “pronouns” again, and this time it was normal (at least at my school). All the orientation leaders, Resident Assistants, and orientation staff said their pronouns. “Hi, I’m Samantha,* and my pronouns are she/her/hers,” or “Hi, I’m John,* and my pronouns are he/him/his.” There were a few who introduced themselves with they/them pronouns, which surprised me every time. I assumed their gender by looking at them, a habit I still find myself trying to break.
When we meet someone, it only takes one-tenth of a second to form a first impression, according to a 2006 Princeton study. Most of this is based on looks: hair length, facial features, wide or narrow hips, breast size, broad or petite shoulders, clothing, etc. Some is based on sound, like how deep someone’s voice is and the rhythmic clicking of high heels on a tile floor. Now, especially with the increasing number of virtual meetings, we’re more reliant on names to assign gender. Jane is a girl’s name, and John is a boy’s name — usually.
On platforms such as Zoom and Instagram, it can be much harder to tell. If you’ve never seen a person’s face or heard their voice, how can you tell if they’re a man or a woman? What if their name is gender-neutral, like Jordan or Jamie? Our first impressions are rapidly changing. They’re no longer one-tenth of a second — they’re instantaneous. Zoom and social media have made it incredibly easy to meet someone without leaving your house. You don’t even have to get out of bed — just click and learn. Prior to the COVID-19 pandemic, 72 percent of U.S. teens said they used Instagram in 2018. Just imagine how many use it now that in-person interaction is limited by quarantine and social distancing. With a projected 112 million U.S. users in 2020, Instagram is becoming the new normal way to meet and connect with others.
As I’ve come to learn in college, we can never tell how someone identifies themselves right away, even if we can meet them virtually. Unless a person tells you their preferred pronouns, it’s impossible to be 100 percent certain of someone’s gender. As a cisgender person (meaning I identify with the sex I was assigned at birth), I grew up assuming everyone else is cisgender, too. This couldn’t be further from the truth. Not everyone identifies with cis male/female norms, and those who don’t continue to face discrimination and injustice. What easier way to encourage acceptance of LGBTQ+ folks than adding pronouns to the social media platforms we already use?
I’ve noticed that several of my high school classmates have also realized this and added pronouns to their Instagram bios and/or Zoom names. Though it may seem like a small and insignificant change, it brings me joy to see such simple words. This could be the beginning of a more tolerant and accepting community, and it only takes a few seconds.
Simple, yet effective.
*Names changed to protect identities.
Fairfield resident Sophia Garbarino is a second-year Women’s and Gender Studies student at Stony Brook University, where she founded Brooklogue, Stony Brook’s Undergraduate Journal for Humanities and Social Sciences.
"Opinion" - Google News
December 05, 2020 at 11:39PM
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Opinion: There are good reasons to put pronouns in your social media profiles - The Advocate
"Opinion" - Google News
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