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Tuesday, May 25, 2021

Madison Cawthorn accidentally trolls his way into a great point about men and work-life balance - The Washington Post

Freshman Rep. Madison Cawthorn (R-N.C.) is right somewhat less frequently than the proverbial stopped clock. In his short time in public life, he’s racked up an impressive list of obfuscations, exaggerations and culture war provocations. So perhaps it’s fitting that Cawthorn accidentally happened on a deep insight in the middle of yet another attempt at trolling.

Responding to criticism that he’d skipped a week of votes in the House to honeymoon in Dubai, a vacation that contributed to his worst-in-Congress attendance record, Cawthorn tried to flip the script. “It just shows how exactly the Democrats feel about the nuclear family in America right now,” he told a conservative radio host. “…I was doing the only thing I find more important than my service here in Congress and that was my service as a husband.”

Cawthorn is new to married life, so it may take some time for him and his bride to figure out what “service as a husband” means for them. But it would be wonderful if he and other men in Congress decided to define their family obligations as expansively as possible. Public service is a demanding job. But if more men valued the work that goes into making family life possible, they might bring new experiences and greater sensitivity into the policymaking process.

Given how time-consuming serving in Congress or higher office can be, members — no matter their gender — have often relied on spouses or staff to make their domestic lives possible.

Trailblazing feminist Rep. Bella Abzug (D-N.Y.), who arrived in Congress in 1971, relied on a nanny and housekeeper who lived with her family for 23 years; her husband, Martin, who their daughter Liz remembers as “always going food shopping and doing laundry”; and her mother, who helped with the cooking and baking for which Martin and Bella had neither the talent nor inclination.

Decades later, as she would recall in her memoir, “Becoming,” Michelle Obama built a routine for her daughters that not only suited their needs but that made clear to them that “I didn’t want them ever to believe that life began when the man of the house arrived home. We didn’t wait for Dad. It was his job now to catch up with us.”

As Cawthorn settles into marriage, and as he and his wife consider building a family, he might consider the examples of his colleagues and predecessors as he defines his “service as a husband.”

Cawthorn probably could have planned his honeymoon for one of the 29 weeks that the House is not scheduled to be in session for floor votes in 2021. But devoting time to one’s spouse is important, in health — as the Cawthorns did to celebrate their wedding — and in sickness, as Illinois Rep. Bobby Rush (D) did during his wife’s prolonged illnesses prior to her 2017 death from congestive heart failure.

If Cawthorn and his wife start a family, they’ll learn that “service as a husband” very much includes being a present father. Cawthorn might take a lesson in prioritizing the nuclear family from Geraldine Ferraro, who served three terms in the House and was the first woman to be nominated for vice president by a major political party.

Though the travel could be grueling, Ferraro wrote in her memoir, “Ferraro: My Story,” hers “was a family worth coming home to.” She spent Tuesday through Thursday in Washington so she could devote time to both her family and her district in Queens.

And despite the constraints of her schedule, “When the kids had a school function, I added another round trip,” she recalled. “Often John and I would be the only two-parent team at whatever recital or French play was being presented, even though we barely understood a word. But it was important to me, very important, to be there for my children and not let my job interfere.”

The Republican idea of masculinity has, of late, focused more on macho posturing than on nurturing. In 2007, Donald Trump defined fatherhood by saying his wife Melania was “a wonderful mother. She takes care of the baby and I pay all of the costs.” That’s in stark contrast to President Biden, who, as a senator in the 1970s, famously went home to Delaware every night so he could be there for his sons after their mother — Biden’s first wife — and sister were killed in a car crash that also injured the boys.

If Cawthorn, or any other man in Congress, has the guts to truly prioritize service to his family and to shape his work life accordingly, good for him. We’d all be better off if lawmakers didn’t have to choose between public service and private devotion.

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May 25, 2021 at 04:46AM
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Madison Cawthorn accidentally trolls his way into a great point about men and work-life balance - The Washington Post
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