By Fintan Steele
When I told the abbot that I needed to leave the monastery because I just didn’t believe anymore, he asked me to first see the outside psychiatrist the community used for “problems.” If the shrink agreed I should go, then it would happen smoothly.
Our discussion rapidly pivoted from my lack of belief to my struggle with my sexual identity. (He thought I was not struggling enough by repressing it.) Being a neo-Freudian, he told me I was, indeed, gay, but it was due to an unresolved Oedipal complex, and if I would work with him for six months he could likely “cure” that “sickness.” Only after that would he decide if I should leave the monastery. My heart sank thinking that I would have to spend that much time in therapy with this person as well as living in a situation I had grown to detest, but he was the expert, and I believed that this sex attraction stuff I was feeling was seriously problematic in the midst of my faith crisis.
But on the one-hour drive back to the abbey that day, some part of me I didn’t even know I had suddenly came to life, rejecting the Oedipal narrative. I yelled, “What a crock of s**t!!!”. And yelled it again, and again, each time with more certainty and freedom. On arriving back at the abbey, I marched to the abbot, told him I was leaving regardless of whether it would be easy or not, and did. And I have never felt better about myself. I had miraculously had my own kind of “Pride” moment alone in that car, where fully embracing this aspect of truth about me was both good and defiant.
And what defiance! I am not given to half-hearted gestures, and I hurt more than a few people by slamming open the closet door so aggressively and angrily, blaming everyone but myself for having “wasted” all those years trying to assimilate into the social and religious norms that raised me. But as the years went on and forced me to look beyond myself and my sexual identity, I began to see this part of myself as something not to be selfishly nourished and fiercely protected, but as a way to invite everyone I meet to claim and celebrate their own particular truths — no matter how different — in a safe and affirmed way with me.
Since I first roared out of the closet (circa 1986), I have been to many LGBTQ+ Pride celebrations, big city and small. I have seen them change from more-militant demands for rights, to “in your face” displays of sexual desire, to most recently a kind of “We’re here, we’re queer, you’re used to it” celebration. In fact, there have been many who wonder why we even have Pride if there is nothing special about it for the LGBTQ+ community anymore.
I think there are two major reasons Pride must continue. The first is for all the young folks who are growing up LGBTQ+ in situations where it is still considered a sickness or sinful, despite all the solid research and lived experience to the contrary. They need to see people “like them” who are living openly happy and healthy lives, even in the face of continued irrational bias and hate that is not going away anytime soon.
The second reason for Pride is a little harder to explain, and a lot of LGBTQ+ folks may not agree with me. I believe, based on my own experience, that queer identity of whatever form cannot ultimately give way to an “us versus them” tribalism without also losing the hard-won “specialness” we feel about being LGBTQ+, and how that specialness actually contributes to a better society for all. Closing ourselves off would make us no better than those who try to exclude us, and would diminish our real power. At its very best, Pride is inclusive, not exclusive. We need to be an affirming and safe community for all people, modeling the exact opposite treatment we sadly still experience from some parts of society and religious groups.
In the long run, Pride is ultimately a celebration of humanity writ large, in all its colors and uniqueness — many more letters and symbols should be appended to the traditional LGBTQ+ when we speak of Pride. We must continue to work hard to make Pride celebrations increasingly big enough to include everyone, even those who think they are against us, slowly drawing everyone into a celebratory and expansive worldview that is open enough to include all of us.
That kind of Pride will take a few more years to reach fruition, I think. But it will be so worth the effort.
Fintan Steele is a member of the Daily Camera’s Community Editorial Board.
"Opinion" - Google News
June 25, 2021 at 01:19AM
https://ift.tt/3zVW1L1
Opinion: Fintan Steele: Why Pride? - Boulder Daily Camera
"Opinion" - Google News
https://ift.tt/2FkSo6m
Shoes Man Tutorial
Pos News Update
Meme Update
Korean Entertainment News
Japan News Update
No comments:
Post a Comment